Dying Does Not Responsible Parenting Make
by flawney
Summary: After discovering her pregnancy with Goten, Chi-Chi decides to disregard Goku's request to not be brought back to life and travel to Namek to use their Dragon Balls for the wish. Unfortunately, the only spaceship capable of making the trip is Vegeta's gravity room.
1. Prologue: Timing is Everything

In the first week after the Cell Games, Chi-Chi was inconsolable. When the distressed recent widow's friends tried to console her (which was frequent at first), it had the opposite effect. No one's arms would ever be strong enough, or warm enough, or _anything_ enough. When they tried to cheer her, it was considerably worse. It was like everyone was trying to get her to forget her husband while simultaneously reminding her of his cheery disposition and life outlook at every turn. It was maddening. She barely left bed. It was fortunate that Ox-King was a closet domestic, else she and Gohan might have starved.

In the second week, Chi-Chi was going through the motions. Cooking; cleaning; practicing kata; tending her vegetable garden; anything so she wouldn't have to _think._ She was happy that the planet was still standing. Happier still that her son had been spared in the battle for its fate. But neither balanced out the crushing grief she felt because her husband _hadn't._ If she thought about it too hard...well, she was making a point not to think about it. Her house was standing, her son was alive, and she had work to do.

In the third week, Gohan's home schooling resumed. Chi-Chi reasoned that he might also appreciate having something to keep his mind off their missing house member that wasn't doing chores or playing with dinosaurs in the wilderness with his grandfather (whom she'd sent home to Fire Mountain anyway), and he took to it with gusto. It had the added benefit of giving herself another distraction from not thinking about...but she wasn't thinking about that at all was she? **AT. ALL.** Gohan was blazing through his lessons and she'd need to plan his next curriculum soon.

In the fourth week, Chi-Chi actually took stock of her household. While they did live a fairly sustainable, self-sufficient lifestyle, there were some things that couldn't be produced on their little farm or fished from the nearby rivers. And shopping was an activity that could both relieve stress and keep her mind off things she was refusing to think about wasn't it? Leaving Gohan with strict instructions to study, Chi-Chi took the nimbus to Orange Star City, determined not to think about how it felt to ride with Goku for the first time as a couple and failed miserably. It wasn't until after she'd unpacked and put everything away that she noticed her stock of certain supplies were higher than they should have been. Supplies that, as the only woman living in a house of clueless men, she was very aware of the state of at all times. Counting backwards very deliberately to the last time she'd needed them and...she swore. Loudly. Gohan was so surprised, he drove his pencil through his textbook. And his desk.


	2. Road Trips Are Overrated

Chapter Summary: Ox-King reflects on his life while Chi-Chi goes on the war path. Gohan just wants to know what's going on and Bulma really, really needs a drink. A perfectly normal day in the life of the family Son and friends.

* * *

While they were speeding (at what was most certainly well over the legal limit) towards West city in the fastest areal vehicle available to them that could hold well, _him,_ Ox-King wondered if he had been equipped with some kind of internal radar that would alert him when his daughter was about to cause trouble. He'd gone home a month prior at Chi-Chi's insistence; the giant man _did_ have a village to preside over (and was always somewhat paranoid that his house would be on fire when he got back if he left it for too long). It had been nice to settle back into something of a normal routine with people not dying in droves and no one threatening to blow up the planet. He was deeply saddened by his son-in-law's passing, but was prepared for life to go on.

It was with this sentiment that Ox-King prepared a perfectly _normal_ picnic lunch with the intention of spending a perfectly _normal_ picnic day with his family, giving Gohan a break from studying and Chi-Chi a break from cooking. He certainly hadn't been expecting Chi-Chi to have the engine of what was probably a military grade plane revved up (along with her impressive and terrifying temper) with Gohan on board, evidently ready to wage war on something. As the proposed picnic had served to calm her down a considerable amount, it was starting to seem like whatever instinct that told him "now is a good time to visit your family" was really trying to tell him "you should go stop your daughter from probable homicide." At the end of the day, it didn't stop them from _going,_ but at least the cargo plane wasn't capable of as much collateral damage.

"Say, Mom..." Gohan spoke softly, using the same tone he would with a potentially hostile wild dinosaur. "Why is it that we're going to Capsule Corporation all of a sudden?" The young boy was equal parts confused and concerned; his mother had been feeling sick that morning, then had taken a rather uncharacteristic nap, only to wake up and immediately fly into a rage (and it had been _spectacular,_ even for her). This combined with the fact that not only had her mood shifted completely at lunch, but she'd eaten nearly as much as he had. "You weren't feeling well, and we can visit Ms. Bulma anytime, and..."

"I'm feelin' FINE." Chi-Chi ground out, barely containing whatever fury had taken over once again. She was actually glowing; ki flaring around wildly. If she'd been stronger, there wouldn't have been a plane left to take them. Gohan shot a pleading look at his grandfather, hoping desperately that he could calm her down again. Or maybe give her food. Ox-King sent him a nervous look in return advising that it might be best if they spent the remainder of the trip in silence.

When they landed outside Capsule Corporation, Bulma was surprised to see Chi-Chi hopping out of the pilot's seat, if only because the tiny woman had actually bothered to use the landing gear. She would have thought it polite of Chi-Chi, choosing not using her lawn as a convenient breaking surface, except for the near-feral look on the other woman's face. Looking to the heavens through her living room ceiling, Bulma prayed for a patience she knew she did not possess: "Dende, help me out here—I am absolutely not cut out for dealing with this kind of shit without nicotine." Huffing (though she really didn't expect a response from the child-Kami) she glanced at her small son, napping on a blanket on the floor. "Y'know, Kiddo, that's your fault."

Trunks expressed his sympathy by continuing to sleep, oblivious. Sighing audibly, Bulma picked up the baby, strapped him into a chest carrier, looked out the window to see if maybe the Son family parked on her lawn was in fact, a figment of her imagination, and poured herself a double shot of whiskey when she verified it wasn't. "No way I'm doing this sober!" she declared before downing the shot in one gulp. It wasn't irresponsible—she'd just use the test strips before she fed the baby next.

When Bulma emerged from the front door, it was with the air of lone warrior defending her castle, proudly displaying her baby front-pack like some kind of new-mom battle armor. Reactions to this spectacle were mixed; Chi-Chi's anger instantly fizzled out, Gohan seemed perplexed that someone could just _wear a baby,_ and Ox-King melted into a puddle of grandfatherly goo. Bulma, determining that nothing had been or was going be to set on fire, opted to invite the Son family in for tea.

* * *

Author Notes: I love pregnant, hormonal Chi-Chi and disgruntled, nicotine-deprived Bulma. And you know Bulma totally used the breast milk alcohol test strips. xD


End file.
